Because I recently stated to friends that Facebook is really only snapshots of the best days of our lives, I feel that I need to make this blog a little more realistic than that. I love that Facebook gives us a platform to share special moments with our family, or to share a favorite recipe or book. However, have you ever noticed that when someone posts something sad, or even depressing, it can simply be awkward? Like reading a diary? Well, get ready for feeling a little bit awkward.
I need to admit that I’m writing today on a grand total of two hours of sleep. I guess that is reason enough to feel sad. That lack of sleep was due to my son, Eddie, being up all night moaning and crying with no explanation. Again, that is reason enough to feel sad. He also continues to tantrum today with no rhyme or reason. Again…pretty good reason to feel sad.
When I’m exhausted, and down-hearted, I go to this very odd dismal place that is sort of “out-of-body” for me. It isn’t my general demeanor, but I can’t help but find myself there from time-to-time. The chances are good that I’ll wake up tomorrow as optimistic as ever, but right now I simply can’t feel that way. I feel like there are endless mountains to climb, and a million problems to solve in regards to Eddie, and I don’t even know which way to look.
I think of the growing list of questions, and the even greater list of solutions not tried. Obviously, we can’t try every educational program, or every medical solution, or even every non-traditional approach to his medical and emotional needs. Knowing that in itself is simply sad. How do we know what to try? How do we know what might work? How do we know if we’ve missed the obvious? How do we know?
I’m not going to continue this depressing monologue, because tomorrow morning, with some god-willing much-needed sleep, I’ll have a change of heart. But, for now I’m simply sad, and I feel I can have those days. We all can. I’ll pick myself up tonight by making dinner for the family, by getting extra hugs from the kids, and eventually will sit down with a good book (or a movie with my hubby) and a glass of wine. I will do those things because that’s how I cope.
So now a question for you…how do you cope? When the day is longer than normal, or the tears come faster, or the reality of raising a special needs child seems thicker…how do you cope? We all need strategies and I’d love for you to share yours.
Already my spirits are lifting a bit because I can hear Eddie in the next room splashing in the bath and laughing. He is also singing along to the sweetest song. (I have no idea what it is because it is on a Pandora playlist.) Anyway, that is how Eddie copes. He, too, has had a bad day. A long bath and Pandora are how he copes. I may have to try that next.