I have been thinking a lot lately about how Eddie has changed my view of the world. Many things that used to be very important to me, or would cause me to stress out, seem so insignificant. The daily grind of life now seems like something I need to keep doing, but not the purpose of my life. If I spill coffee on myself on my way to school, oh well, I’ll wash it when I get home. If a favorite item is misplaced, I think to myself I’ll either find it later or I won’t.
I’ve wondered why being Eddie’s mother has affected me in such a way? Why is it that because of him I don’t get easily worked up? What I’ve decided is that I cannot change the fact that Eddie was born with a disability and that is simply why my perspective has changed. Even though I wouldn’t change Eddie if I could, the fact is I have no choice. This may sound confusing, but the reason Eddie and his disabilities have changed me is because I can’t change them.
Every other problem seems to be small because it can be changed, or fixed, or because I did it to myself. I spent a lot of time when we learned about Eddie feeling sad that he would always carry his diagnosis. During that time, I realized how many things we can make better for ourselves if we choose to do it. We can’t change Eddie’s disabilities and that makes everything that can be changed seem like something to be done, not an insurmountable problem.
I also have come to realize that there are other things that happen to people that can’t be changed. Having a child with a disability is just one example, but so is the loss of a loved one, or suffering a personal disability. These things can change people and their perspectives forever and I’m not sure anyone can really appreciate that until they are faced with it.
Overall, I feel we are blessed that Eddie taught us how to let all the little things go and embrace the meaningful parts of life. All the time I used to spend worrying, can now be spent happily enjoying time with my family and appreciating all the great things that we have. I’m sure this is a realization many parents like me come to when they think about it. I feel that Eddie really gave me a tremendous gift when he was born; the gift of a new perspective.