Already today, and it isnāt even two oāclock, I am totally wiped out. I knew this morning would be busy because we had a full schedule, but why did the first appointment have to be so exhausting? I had to take all three children into the dentist because Eddie and Molly both needed about fifteen minutes or less of attention. Molly went in first for a few sealants and I was in the waiting room with CC and Eddie. I knew that having them in such close quarters was risky, but if Iād known how risky, Iād have desperately tried to find a sitter for CC.
Every peep uttered by my youngest had Eddie possessed by demons. He threw tantrum after tantrum which culminated in hitting himself and trying to pinch me multiple times. CC would wander to play with a toy for a bit and we would have peace, and then she would simply sit by us and utter a syllable and all peace was lost. I tried to have them āhug it outā, which worked the first few hugs, but then Eddie wanted none of that either. He would smile and laugh at first, then push her away, and then just start screaming.
I canāt even imagine what we looked like to all the other families in the waiting room. I had zero control over the situation. All I could do was pin Eddieās arms to his sides to prevent him from hurting himself, me, or his sister. I knew I couldn’t yell at CC to stop talking or to stop hugging her brother, but I desperately wanted to do just that. In the midst of the hysteria, a hygienist came out to talk to me and I was holding back a flood of tears. Times like this donāt always get to me, but today it certainly did.
It really makes me sad that Eddie struggles so much with CC and I desperately want to find a way for our family to be together without watching Eddie completely unravel. I understand that he canāt help it, but it doesnāt make it easier. Once he was in the dentist chair for his post-work exam, he was happy and laughing and totally over the waiting room fiasco. This kid can swing a mood like nothing Iāve ever seen.
Thankfully, our busy morning is over, and now I plan on sitting down and reading a book. Eddie is at a lake with an amazing summer program for special needs children and I am thankful for this time. I know he is having a lot of fun and that itās considered ārespiteā for me, but it is equally ārespiteā for him. I wish I could hit a reset button for this morning, but it looks like Iāll just have to hang in there until bedtime. There is always tomorrow where I can hope for a better start to the day.