Iām not a very confrontational person. Before I directly accuse somebody of something, or announce a grievance, I try to consider all sides. I donāt like jumping to conclusions, and I generally think people act with good intentions.
Over the nine plus years Eddie has been in my life, there have been many times when I needed to stand up for him because he couldnāt do it for himself. Sometimes, I rose to the occasion. Other times, Iāll admit, I decided to play things safe. Safe as in not ruffling feathersā¦not being a crazy momā¦and not being āthat parentā which we all try to avoid.
Iāve sat in meetings at school, and wanted to cry, or shout, or both. Iāve sat in doctorās offices and wanted to ask another question, and another, and even more, but chose not to because I felt like I was asking too much. Most of the time, when I silently vote to keep calm waters, I regret it.
Because I know that I can be meek at times when I shouldnāt be, I often have advocates (friends or family) with me in meetingsā¦and well-prepare myself for the meetings I attend alone. People who know me, might not realize that Iām not always a strong advocate for my sonā¦but, honestly, itās exhausting being that person all the time. That part of meā¦the āstrong advocateā tends to save herself for the days it really counts.
When those days come, it feels really great to be strong. Last week, I took Eddie for some routine lab work, which included a blood-draw. The technicians tried twice to find a vein, and were unsuccessful. In the past, Iāve let techs try again, or let them find somebody else that may have more training with a kid like mine.
This time, in my gut, I knew that we were done with that hospital on that day. I simply wasnāt going to let them poke Eddie again; because I wasnāt confident they could get it done with another try. So, I stood up, took Eddieās hand, asked for his lab slip back, and told them we were going somewhere else.
I wasnāt rudeā¦or sharpā¦or even sassy. I was simply decisive, and it felt great. Standing up for him always feels good, and it makes me want to do it more often. I immediately thought about some wrongs I wanted to right, and when it comes to Eddie, there is always some kind of battle to be won.
Self-advocacy is extremely important for kids who are blind. However, parents have to learn how to be advocates, too. It isnāt always easy, and it makes me uncomfortable at times. I donāt want to hurt anybodyās feelings, but that canāt stop me from being there for Eddie. If I ask, āWhat is right for Eddie?ā and that answer requires actionā¦I have to be strong enough to do what needs to be done.